How Do You Nurture Yourself?
If you’re like me and many of my friends and clients, you must like to grow plants.
If you do, you know just how fulfilling it is: planting the seeds, watering them, showering them with love and sunlight, and gradually observing the sprouts grow into big seedlings. That’s amazing because you made that happen.
When it comes to nurturing yourself, however, the task suddenly becomes more difficult. Accepting yourself becomes hard work.
I know a lot of you reading this make a great living nurturing other people and helping them become the best version of themselves. So why does it feel so complicated to do the same for yourself?
We’ll get to that in a second.
But first, are you someone who...
Loves to make others happy, but you often don't feel deserving of the love and affection you give out?
Doesn’t think you’re good enough in anything you do? Is constantly blaming yourself for past actions you no longer have any control over?
Is too busy with work, and never has enough time to take a deeper look into yourself and what you need?
If you’ve answered yes to at least one of these questions, I have a few answers for you.
Why is it so difficult for us to nurture and love ourselves?
For me, this topic should be widely discussed, especially right now when even the simplest tasks feel like a marathon. We never really stop paying attention to ourselves and what we need.
If you go ahead and search for the answer to this question on Google, you’ll find dozens of different ideas from a dozen different experts teaching you how to love yourself. “Remind yourself of how amazing you are”, they’ll say.
While that’s 100% valid, it can be a huge step for people who are just starting to practice self-love. There may be days when you won’t be feeling great about yourself, which is completely normal, and reading those things will only make you feel worse.
Why is that?
If you’re more of a people pleaser, you’ll always put others ahead of yourself. Regardless if you do 10 positive things, you might blame yourself for that one small thing you got wrong, and you might end up overthinking that for a long time.
Have you ever caught yourself in a negative self-chatter inside your head, where you blame yourself for things you’ve done in the past? That’s what I’m talking about.
I get it, I really do. I also used to beat myself up for everything. Even when I wanted so bad to love myself, the negative-thinking vicious cycle of “I’m not good enough” would come up, again and again. Can you relate?
That’s when I started thinking to myself...
If the answers are available out there, listed, numbered, why is it so hard for most people to love themselves?
The answer is simple.
It’s increasingly hard for people to cultivate self-love because they’re getting their bodies used to negative self-talk.
Let me give you an example.
My mother recently turned 86 years old. Last year, she was suffering from severe back pain and went through several doctors who recommended physical therapy, as well as breathing exercises and walking to solve the problem. As a daughter who’s constantly checking on her, I can tell you that she’s recovering amazingly.
But, it’s a slow process. There were times when she was bed-ridden and couldn’t move because of the pain. We rented a wheelchair since she was having a hard time even moving around the house and going to the bathroom.
Good news: we just returned the wheelchair, and all she currently needs for support is the help of a cane. It’s incredible to witness that kind of progress coming from an 86-year-old lady.
Trouble is, despite her progress, she’s still putting herself down.
I call her in every single day before lunchtime to see how she’s doing, and here’s what she tells me:
“Yeah, well, I’m not fully recovered yet. I still have a lot of pain, and my posture isn’t quite right yet.”
Can you spot the mistake?
Instead of saying “I’m doing much better” and reminding herself of the progress, she’s made, she’s reminding herself of how bad she still feels. She’s not making an effort to nurture herself.
She’s standing in her own way. If her desire is to recover and she really wants to achieve that, she shouldn’t be so hard on herself. She should practice lifting herself up, instead.
Remember: your body consists of 60 trillion cells that grasp the energy you send their way. If you’re putting yourself down at every opportunity you get (like my mother does), what your body will get from that is: “Well...apparently, this person doesn’t feel like evolving. Maybe we should keep things as they are.”
Now, let’s switch things up.
Learning to nurture and love yourself is about adapting to positive self-talk.
It’s not fast work. It can take you some practice and time to acclimate.
Think about it. Instead of going “I’m still in pain”, why not adhere to something along the lines of:
“I’m doing much better! Just three months ago, I couldn’t even walk around the house. Now, I can walk using this cane to enjoy the fresh air outside and look at the trees. I’m feeling great, and I can already feel that joyful energy running throughout my body again.”
That’s the same thing I want you to experience when nurturing yourself. That’s how I train my clients, and I’d like you to try it yourself next time you’re engaging in negative self-talk.
Again, you won’t be able to do it overnight, and that’s natural! Switching from positive to negative takes consistent mind work and a willingness to change.
Since I, too, used to struggle a lot with negative self-talk, I created a strategic shortcut that made the transitioning process a lot easier for me. And I’m about to share it with you.
Here’s my secret strategy to creating a positive self-image.
This strategy appears in Pillar #1 of my program, the Miyako Energenic Life DesignTM. Even if you haven’t enrolled in the program yet, the following example will give you enough to work with.
I want you to think back to your childhood days. Try to remember one of the strengths you had, something people admired you for.
For example, I used to be an incredibly energetic child. Even though we lived in a small to a medium middle-class apartment, I’d climb on furniture like the wardrobe and the chest of drawers. Each day I’d climb higher, trying to reach higher levels as time went by.
Some days I succeeded, some days I failed. But that never stopped me from climbing. I remember having a strong desire for expansion. Ultimately, this desire led me into coaching other people and helping them transform their lives.
Doing this exercise will help you value strengths within yourself you might have forgotten about, which is key to nurturing a positive self-image and, subsequently, positive self-talk.
As for you, you might have been a shy little kid who was admired for being an avid reader. Perhaps you were the class clown, always making people laugh. Maybe, you were good at public speaking.
Think hard, and you’ll remember. There’s something in you that’s still right there, something you’ve nurtured throughout all of these years. You’re now flourishing. Take a few minutes to indulge in childhood memories and reunite your present self with your younger self.
Now, here’s where it gets interesting…
What if your future, older self is doing the same thing as your present self?
Think about it: what if older Miyako was thinking back to the Miyako of 2021, just like I’m thinking back to the little Miyako who used to climb on furniture?
Only, there’s a difference. Miyako from the future is wiser. Older. I can feel her motherly, caring energy taking care of me, almost as if she’s telling me “you got this.”
Now, try to imagine it yourself. Older “you” already exist, only he or she is in the future. He or she is the wiser, older, bigger version of yourself who’s looking down on you.
Think of the “two” of you as a team, and remember you’re never alone. The bigger version of you will always be by your side, and no one can take that away from you. It’s there to remind you that you’re in constant growth, evolving, and you don’t need to be so hard on yourself.
By nurturing this vision, you’ll learn to be warmer and kinder to yourself. You’ll learn to enjoy your own company because you’re not alone--you’re being nurtured by a higher version of yourself who’s so, so proud of you.
Once you discover the passion that’s dormant within you and learn that you’re making your future self proud, you’ll get to love yourself as no one else does. That’s the beauty of this energy work.
Moving forward, train yourself to speak about yourself from a positive perspective.
Switch “I’m not good enough” to “I’m doing better than yesterday”, and notice how the energy flows much easier that way.
Would you like to dive deeper into this type of training?
If the answer’s yes, I have a group coaching program that’s open for enrollment. You can join my wait-list here. I’d love to see you inside the training.
And since you’re here, why not take a minute to find out more about your energetic vitality score? It’s free!